Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize