Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
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I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
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Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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