At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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