It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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