I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
