Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
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I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
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Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.