I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!