I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.