he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
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A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
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How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam