i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
