K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
