I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
