Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
