i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
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