the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize