i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
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He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
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I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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