were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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