i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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