Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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