I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
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Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
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This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize