You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
