I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
