I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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