Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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