I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
