Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
