Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
