i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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