I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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