You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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