Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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