The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
