Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
3 2 1 whiskey
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
