First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
