I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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