I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
