CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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