Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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