sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she told me i tasted like america
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
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She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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