just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
This is the prime rib incident all over again
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
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