god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
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