I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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