I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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