dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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