I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize