What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
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surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
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P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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