Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
