So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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