dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
