so that wasnt chicken after all
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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