I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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