she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
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Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
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I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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