i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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