Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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