yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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